The "List"

The longer you're single, the longer the list of expectations for your future spouse. In this particular instance I'm referring to the list that others make for you, rather than the list you make for yourself. To be quite honest, I think as I get older MY list gets shorter. I'm less afraid of ending up with someone who has different taste in music or movies than when I was at 16. Ha. I realize common ground is important, but where you have that common ground is slightly deeper than one's like or dislike of Leonardo DiCaprio. Dislike, btw.

I'm more sure of what I'm looking for, and what I can live with than ever before. However the outside pressure I receive from a dedicated parade of family and friends who desperately want to see me happy is often a daunting one. Just last evening I was sharing with a couple of my married friends about a blind date I'll be going on soon. Rather excited to have the opportunity to meet someone new and perhaps a chance at romance, I showed them a picture of my potential Romeo on fb. Yes, I know I just called it a blind date, and I suppose by traditional standards, seeing a picture isn't exactly blind. Stalking them on fb provides even more personal info than most friends would give you, but this is the new norm. I hardly think true “blind” dates exist anymore. Unless it takes place with someone who is visually impaired, it's a form of dating that is basically extinct. I think the term is used more now to clarify that this is a date with a person that you have never met and it has been suggested by a mutual friend that you are compatible. In this case, our mutual friend knows him a lot more than she knows me, so I'm not sure how confident I am in the match, but I'm willing at this stage to give it a shot.

So, there I was showing my friends his picture and telling them what information I had gathered from his fb page, such as his membership in a jazz orchestra which is a very good start! The motorcycle and earring were not quite as exciting, but again, I'm willing to give it a shot. Who knows? Maybe I COULD love a man with a motorcycle.

My friends responses were a little less than favorable. They were happy that I was excited, but they all quickly expressed the higher standard they had set for me, which included the a fore mentioned “list.” The “list” literally went a little something like this; he MUST be tall, dark, handsome, better than average looking, strong, broad, muscular, and funny. That's about as far as they got before I started interrupting with questions as to where they got their design plan from.

Hearing their reasoning was equally flattering and offensive. First of all, tall, dark and handsome hardly seems imaginative. As if they didn't put any thought into what was right for me at all. They just spit out something they thought every girl wants to hear. Here's the problem. Tall. I don't necessarily have a problem with tall. I have loved my fair share of over six foot men, however I happen to have an affinity for short men. The under six footers. Why? I can only speculate that my attraction goes to the fact that these men often feel they have something to prove. They can sometimes come across as cocky, but I try to stick with those that ride the line between confident and cocky well. I think I just admire that they're trying so hard! Typically these guys aren't the lazy ones emotionally. They really try to connect. In my personal experience what shorter men lack in height they more than make up for in heart. So therefore “tall” is NOT on my list of needs.

Dark? What does that mean anyway? Is he ethnic or just really tan? Or does dark refer to his hair and eye color? Cause again, I prefer light eyes. I mean, if I'm making a list. Not that I wouldn't date a brown eyed boy, and I've loved my fair share of those too, but if I had a catalog or something, he'd probably have blue eyes and dark hair. Handsome? Well, I don't suppose there's any arguing that point. Of course he should be handsome! That seems like stating the obvious. Better than average looking is a nice sentiment, but what exactly makes me worthy of that? I can't say I expect to marry Patrick Dempsey or Gerard Butler or Daniel Craig or Colin Firth, who I know is half sexy because of his epic role as Mr. Darcy, but I just had to include him. Btw, respective heights are as follows; 5'10, 6'2, 5'10, 6'2. I didn't plan that, but it worked out nicely. I think I have proven my equal love of men no matter their height.

Strong? Yes. A man should be strong. Stronger than me. I'm pretty weak, so that's not a hard role to fill. Though I look for strength of character and emotional consistency more than physical feats. However, it should be duly noted that a man who can scale a 30 foot tent pole with his bare hands, no matter his ability to bench press my weight is HOT. Yeh...that happened.

Let's see...what's left? Muscular. Well...I think what I said about strength kind of covers that, but I will just add that I saw a man in Starbucks today with arms the size of cantaloupes, and I wondered why any woman would want to be held by a boa constrictor. But hey...if that's your thing...go for it! Add it to YOUR list. It's just not on mine. Broad? Hmmm..that sounds nice. I like a good shoulder to cry on. Again, I don't think it's necessary to a happy love life, but it could definitely be considered icing on the cake.

Last but not least, funny. That is the only thing I totally agree with on my friend's imposed list. My man needs to make me laugh. A lot. I love any kind of humor really. I'm not too picky. I like corny jokes, silly slap stick stuff, I love sarcasm and intelligent humor. I can even laugh at the gross stuff, though a little goes a long way. Jim Carrey (6'2) every day could get a little exhausting, but give me Tom Hanks (6'0) forever, or oh my goodness..Jack Black (5'6) could make me incessantly happy! Humor is HOT!

So, MY list currently looks a little like this; single, male, alive, willing, funny. Really...how hard is that? Sigh...okay...okay it's a little longer than that. I haven't quite reached “I live in my mother's basement and draw pictures of comic book characters” guy status just yet. He needs to have a job and a few other things, but that's all for another post.