Just Friends

I have at many single moments in my life experienced being assumed, married. This is both an equally exhilarating and embarrassing event.  Obviously it all depends on to whom I'm being tied to in false matrimony, and also to my current state of mind in reference to my singleness.

There was the time I was sitting next to a very handsome young gentleman whom my heart longed to love forever and ever, and someone approached and asked how long we had been married. The delight my little heart felt caused it to cease it's normal activity for a beat of two. Just long enough for me to view the gentleman's reaction, which was to this day one of the most impressive and respectful responses a man in his situation could conjure. The man quickly replied "it is not my privilege as to be wed to this beautiful creature, but any man whom she finds worthy will be a blessed one no doubt."

 Okay...okay...that didn't really happen, but I'd like to think it did. Here's what really happened.

I was at church, sitting next to what I thought at the time was the love of my life. Tall, dark and handsome was just the beginning of his description. However, we were "just friends." I hate that label! More on that later.  A very nice old lady came over, introduced herself and politely asked how long we two kids had been married. I smiled and looked at the object of my affection. I thought as the man, I'd let him take the lead on handling this potentially awkward moment...and I really wanted to hear what he'd say in response.

 Guess what? He said nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. He sat in awkward silence, smiling broadly as if he was hoping the lady would just take the hint and walk away or maybe magically disappear. After seconds that seemed like days, I felt the potential awkward moment had now achieved monumental proportions, and any further delay would only add insult to injury.

 There I sat, offended that my leading man couldn't come up with a silver screen worthy response for this sweet golden girl granny, and I couldn't let her walk away ignored. So I spoke up, and politely said "We aren't married. We're just friends. Do you know of any other single men mam? 'Cause I'm lookin.!" I can't say it was silver screen worthy. Not even soap opera worthy, but I wanted to do two things. I wanted to give her the answer she needed, all the while letting him know that I wasn't holding my breath for him or his response. I'm not sure I really accomplished that last one, but it was the best my brain could do with all the other processes it was running in that five second span of time.

Then there was the time that I was at a concert with a guy friend whom I was less than interested in, and a woman approached and congratulated us on our recent nuptials. Again, I took the backseat to the man, not wanting him to experience the pain I had previously. He all too quickly responded, waving his hands and shaking his head like a mad man..."no no no!," he exclaimed. "We're just friends." With an uncomfortable giggle (yes I know men don't usually giggle, but when they're extremely uncomfortable or frightened they tend to act like idiots.) my friend engaged in a very serious staring contest with the faded blue rug under our feet.

Both of these experiences led to me being hurt. Not "my life as we speak is over!" kind of hurt, but my ego was definitely deflated and my self worth brought down to an all time low. In fact, I think I was more offended at the second story than the first, as I suppose I thought it would be a compliment to this man for people to think we were joined as one. Apparently no one wants to marry me. There it is. Plain and simple.

Here's the thing men. Don't act like it's just my fault that people think we're together. You're the one inviting me to concerts, sitting close and putting your arm on the back of the chair. You're the one "close talking" and in constant need of my attention. Let's be honest here. Neither one of us was really trying to make it clear to the room that we're alone, cause neither one of us really wants to BE alone. We just also don't necessarily want to be tied together. I am not offended that Miss Daisy thought I would marry you, I was flattered that she thought I had obtained "Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady" status. And this "just friends" business...let's get this settled now. If you and I are seen together enough in public to be considered married, we are NOT "just friends." We are best friends at the very least.

Just once, I'd like someone to pose the question of marriage, and my male friend's answer to be something like..."No, we're not, but we ARE extremely close friends, and I wouldn't trade that for the world!" Sure, maybe the old bitty walks away thinking "that boy should marry that girl." Hey..maybe she even says that out loud. What's the harm I ask ya? Can you not handle it? I can. It doesn't mean anything. I don't take it as a sign from God that we were meant to be. The truth is, you'll probably never see grandma again, so maybe you should think a little less about what SHE thinks about you, and a little more about taking this opportunity to make your single girl "friend" feel good about herself, and think you're a really great guy. Then maybe...just maybe...she'll set you up with one of her hot friends!

The same principal applies to being mistaken as dating. Just this week, my best guy friend confessed he wanted to make a joke to a waitress, but he was afraid it would leave her with the impression that I was his girlfriend. He WAS NOT interested in said waitress. To this I say..."Sooooo!!" What on earth would be so bad about that? It made me feel like the ugliest woman alive! Even though I don't want to date my best guy friend, obviously I think he's great, I certainly wouldn't think it was the end of the world for someone to pair us together. What is the fear guys? What?!!

One last thing. I know guys are afraid to lead girl's on by reacting too positively, and I do appreciate the thought. It's just that the damage you do to a girl's self esteem by making her feel like you'd rather marry a woolly mammoth is often permanent. You'd do better to compliment the girl somehow, and then upon evidence she's taken things the wrong way, clarify the situation. She'll respect you communicating like an adult and not a 8 year old who thinks girls have cooties.

As I started this blog silly and girly, and have now worked myself up into quite a dither, I think I shall shut up.